On Saturday night I bought Bones on DVD sooo I've pretty much been watching that with my mom.

This morning Matthew picked me up and I went with him to watch him and Bryan get their hair cut/keep them company/I'm not really sure why I was there? haha But Matt asked me to go :P

Renee = <333

After that the three of us rented Eagle Eye and got some food.
Suuuuuuuch a good movie!

Bryan and Maggie had a love affiar.

Then Matt got mega sick haha.

The rest of the day I watched Bones with my mom and now I've been packing.

We're leaving at 5 am and I was gonna stay up all night buuut I'm actually rather tired so I'm going to try to catch some ZzZzzzzs.

Be back on Friday...or maybe Saturday...or maybe Sunday...all depends on how much catching up we decide to do?

Carol Schmidt...my biological grandmother on my father's side passed away this morning.

I leave Tuesday morning for South Carolina. I'll probably be there for a few days.

Prayers?

I love Josh <3

Matthew told me last week that because I've had such a crappy life, I'm going to make a really good mom one day because I basically just have to do the opposite of everything that was done to me...

I'm starting to think my brother isn't the one who needs to move out, I am.

I mean, I'm the odd man out. I'm the one they all hate.

I got in a fight with both my mom and dad today.

Fought with my mom because she won't do anything about my brother. And she says "I talked to him, what else do you want from me?" I dunno, it's your house, you're supposed to be in charge, he's 24 years old...kick him out if he doesn't listen to you?

Fought with my dad for expressing my opinion that I think money is evil and that buying expensive things with money you robbed from a bank is not my type of movie plot to watch. So apparently I rambled too long about that and he doesn't care what I have to say and doesn't care that I don't want to watch the movie because I don't run the house and basically I have to watch it.

Okay, that makes a whole lot of sense.

So, I'm going to Josh's house. <3

This morning I talked online with Justin, Dane, and Pierluigi for a while.

Then went to Bryan's a little after two and watched House Bunny with him and Justin.

Went to the bank...remember it was new years day... hah

Randomly, James was down here in Deptford visiting a friend so we met up with him for dinner at Out Back.
Scott Sarles randomly met up with us for a while.

Went back to Bryan's and watched The Hills Have Eyes 2 with him and Justin.

It was good just to get out of the house (besides work)
Always good to see Bryan <3
And def. good to see Justin ugh I missed him.

:)

In some ways, this is the best new years I've ever had.

And I wasn't very alone at all.

Not long did I have the JoBros and Selena and Demi and Miley and David and all my other loves on tv <3333 buuuuuuuuuuuut I talked to Dane allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll night long and still am and we've been talking about religion the entire time and it has been one of the most rewarding conversations I've ever had.

Def. off to a good start :)

...my mom is plastered...happy new year

:(

But He is.

So here comes my Christmas speel. Late, yes. But does it matter? I did that on purpose.

No, Jesus was not born on December 25th. Or in December at all.
And (though I complain this a lot it doesn't matter) the wise men were not there at Jesus' birth (they showed up two or three years later, as they didn't have cars and they had to go by foot.)

But who cares, right?

Matt didn't like that Pastor Pete did communion on Christmas Eve...and I was like, are you kidding? He said he relates it too much to Good Friday, and that it doesn't feel right doing it at Christmas...

But a lot of demoniations do it every week. We do it once a month. And I've always thought we should do it once a week. In fact, a lot of truely devoted people do it every day. I mean, it's a pretty important thing.

Pastor Pete said that night that for Christians, every day should be Easter, and that even on Christmas, Easter is what we're really celebrating.

And that is exactly what I was thinking.

Yeah, the Christmas story is a great one. Jesus was born in a lowly manger to a virgin. Poor and pure in every way. Even from His birth, He was the perfect example.

But WHY did Jesus come to earth? He came to die. He came to die for our sins and to rise again.

He came for Easter.

So it's important to do His last wish.

I mean, sure, He lives today, and He's here in ways that are difficult to understand...but we're not with Him unless we try.

And we can never forget that He died and rose again.

So I'm forgetting about Christmas and New Years.

And I'm celebrating Christ Mass...every day.

That's my New Years resolution, I guess you could say.

And in an effort to be more Christ like...we literally have to be part of Christ.

WELCOME TO THE 2008 AWARDS!

1) DRINK​ING BUDDY OF THE YEAR?
I don't drink. If I did it would be Justin...he's prob. the only person who will be able to make me drink when I turn 21 hah.

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD?
Bryan Mead. <3

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - NEWEST TRUSTWORTHY FRIEND?
Scott. I love that kid.

4) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Jonas Brother's concert! <3

5) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
Well, I think most of us can share in it...

6) BEST HOLIDAY?
Good Friday and Easter are always my favorites. This year did not disappoint <3

7) YOUR SONG FOR 2008:
Even though it's not from '08, def. "Save Us" by Cartel.

8) MOVIE FOR 2008?
Twilight, HSM 3, and Prince Caspian.

9)YOUR BIGGEST CRUSH?
Kevin Jonas, of course! lol

10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
Bryan and Justin hah but then I gave them alone time and spent it with myself :P

11) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
I didn't dress up.

12) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?
Olive Garden and Pizza Hut, always lol

13) BOOK OF THE YEAR?
Oh gosh, you expect me to answer this?! EVERY BOOK I READ! I pick them really good. Ugh, and I read A LOT! I guess I'll say the Twilight Series...and since Breaking Dawn actually came out in 08, it wins. But like I said, I read A LOT and it's been a really really great year in terms of reading. Even books for school have been pretty good!

14) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
To stay at Rider.

15) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
Always to be more Christ like. And to be an RA, and to be a study tours counselor over the summer... insha'alah.

16) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
Never been drunk, sorry.

17) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
TRUE FREAKIN BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

18) MOST LOYAL FRIEND OF 2008?
Justin, for sure. <3

19) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
The worst thing that's ever happened to someone I love. And the best thing that's ever happened to me, spirtually.

20) BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG AWARD?
Haha, oh you know.

21) NEW YEAR RESOLUTION?
I don't make them.

22) MOST MEMORABLE MEMORIES IN 2008?
Again, Jonas Brothers <3

You are my fire
The one desire
Believe when I say
I want it that way

But we are two worlds apart
Can't reach to your heart
When you say
That I want it that way




Just mull over it.

I just want to sleep :(
I hardly slept last night.
I tossed and turned a lot.
And now I have to leave for work and my head is pounding and I can hardly hold it up and I'm just all stuffy and gross :(

Yes, decision to stay in tonight is a good one.
I just wish there was some other sick, lame person who'd stay up and watch Disney with me haha.

Whatev, time to take more medicine and go to work.

I guess I'm spending new years at home alone.
I've been kind of just going through the motions.
I've been taking medication the last few days.
And I'm just so out of it.
Even at work.
All I want to do is sleep.
I can't see myself driving somewhere and attempting to do anything.
I'll be lucky if I stay up until midnight haha.
Oh goodness, I want to feel alive again.
I hope I feel better soon >_<
But that's unlikely.
My dad and my brother are both mad sick and I'm prob. just gonna get what they have on top of this :(

My laptop is still broken.
My tv is at school.
No cell phone service.
Bryan's not home yet.
Max is here...aka no Matt for a while.

What am I going to do with my life? lol

I have two chapters left in the book I'm reading.
I always like to put them off so I didn't finish it yet.
Prob. will tonight...and start another one.

Story of my life.

I talked to Justin for like five mins earlier and it was the highlight of my life.
He left me a video message the other day and I almost cried because I miss him and his constant pressence, spunk, and affection.

Sigh.
Yeah.

On Saturday Jared's (my brother's best firend)mom and sister came over. (Kim, my mom's childhood friend, and Jillian, my childhood friend) with Jillian's 8 month old son, Stephon.

He is sooooooooooooo adorable. And such a happy baby! He was so giggly and adventurous. He was climbing up on things already and very determined.

It was good to talk with them and catch up and all.

Yesterday I didn't do much.
I was supposed to hang out with Matt but Amanda's game was later in the day than he thought.
So I spent the day playing video games and reading and watching Disney haha. Oh how I missed Disney. And apparently I missed a lot. When did Harper find out that Alex is a wizard?! Hah.

I'm going to work in the few minutes. First day back.
Not looking forward to the barbardment of questions and hugs.
Everyone loves me there...I guess because I'm the longest. The next youngest is like 26.
And most of them are in their 40s and 50s.

Oh well...gotta do it. >_<
I just want to sleep all day.
I woke up with a sore throat, head ache, AND stuffy nose :(

I know and watched all but two of these shows religiously.
Gosh I miss it <333

And even though I'm kind of mad at him right now...I love him more just for the fact that he hates you. I don't even care anymore.

Who can I trust now?

Christmas Eve:

Went to Grandmama and Grandpapa's house. Exchanged presents (which I really liked) and watched the Military Channel. About the invasion of Normandy. Yeah, now you know why I love history so much. It's been embedded into my brain lol. Then we ate and just talked for an hour or two.
I had to drive home because my mom and dad drank. And they are the worst back seat drivers ever!
When I got home I picked up the tray of cookies my mom and I made for the Schmidt's and headed over there. Watched A Christmas story for a bit and I was given presents. Even though me and Matthew agreed we weren't doing presents this year because we're both so poor hah he couldn't resist. And Robin fed into my Jonas Brothers addiction. Matthew rolled his eyes :P mwhaha. My roommate is going to hate everyone because Jen gave me High School Musical stuff for Christmas too.
After a while me and Matt went to Church for the 11 oclock service.
I always enjoy Christmas time at church.
Christmas is what saved me in the first place.
And because my family isn't Christian, it's really the only place I can really celebrate the meaning of Christmas.

Christmas:

Woke up and opened presents. I only asked for three things. Socks, long johns, and a globe. Because I'm a dork like that. I didn't get the globe (boooo) but I got the others. Lots and lots of socks. And they were Christian socks!! They have crosses on them and little sayings haha my mom actually pays attention!
My brother got me season tickets to the road company shows. That is going to save me so much money lol.
I got a lot of other little knick nacks. Nothing too exciting, we're pretty poor this year.
But my dad got a new computer. Can't wait until there's internet on that sucker!

Went to the Schmidts again. Miss Sandy and Jim gave me a present. They're always so sweet. I had gotten a card from them the night before that told me how much they miss me while I'm at school. I'm going to have to visit them a few times at home over the break. Watch Hairspray or something haha. She cracks me up.
I could only stay for two hours because I had to come home for family events.
Usually I stay all day at their house but all of my sudden my mom got unboring lol.
My Aunt Linda and Uncle George came over, and so didn Jen's mom and we all had dinner together.
Jared and Joey G came over later.
It was great talking to everyone and not fighting at all like holidays normally go around here.
After everyone left my brother set up my dad's computer and then me and my dad played one of the games I bought him for Christmas on PS2 for a long while.

When I up to bed I only intended to read for a little bit.
But the book I'm reading is soooooo good I got sucked in! After I'm done writing this I'm probably going to read all day.
I can't wait! :D



Post Script: 

Amanda Schmidt sang and played Love Bug on guitar to me yesterday and it was SO FREAKIN CUTE! Bryan's right, that girl's gettin hot! And Matt is getting protective and wanting to kill all the boys at the mall hahaha it's adorable. But watch up, Jonas Brothers, Amanda might just be better at it than you ;) Hah jk. She should join them though. Just like our band called "Schmidts minus one plus Currie" Hah that is what my brother called us ;) Amanda calls it "S-1+C" for short. Hahha worst band and band name ever!
Anyway, the point it. I love Love Bug. And I love Amanda. :)

Excuse any type-os.I'm on my mom'sold crappy computer with sticky keys and a slow hard drive.

Yesterday I went with my mom to lunch at Friendlys. Then we went shopping for a bit.
Then we went to the graveyard to put a blanket on my grandparent's grave and I had to hold my mom while she cried.

She's starting to feel pretty alone in this world.
I mean,all of her family keeps dying off.
Her oldest brother is gone and the rest are getting older.
Most of them are so far away.
I feel bad for her. Being so young in a family so old.

When I got home I watched the most amazing episode of General Hospital! Maybe not ever, but it was sooo cute. It didn't really have to do with the plot. It was basically just a bunch of reminiscing and Christmas miracles. It was just very cute and touching.

When it was off I went shopping with Matthew, Amanda, and Gary for a few hours. Finally finished. And it was good catching up with Gary.

Gary went to work so Matt and Amanda came to my house and we watched Buffy. Sad thing number two done. Only a million left to go before the end of the sixth season.Matt's gonna cry his eyes out lol

I read for a bit after that. And this morning. The book is really getting good but it seems much longer than it really is. I feel like I'm reading forever...but in a good way...and really get no where. I guess that's a good thing. I hate when books are over, I love dragging them out :)

Well,got to finish getting ready. <3

Excuse any type-os.I'm on my mom'sold crappy computer with sticky keys and a slow hard drive.

Yesterday I went with my mom to lunch at Friendlys. Then we went shopping for a bit.
Then we went to the graveyard to put a blanket on my grandparent's grave and I had to hold my mom while she cried.

She's starting to feel pretty alone in this world.
I mean,all of her family keeps dying off.
Her oldest brother is gone and the rest are getting older.
Most of them are so far away.
I feel bad for her. Being so young in a family so old.

When I got home I watched the most amazing episode of General Hospital! Maybe not ever, but it was sooo cute. It didn't really have to do with the plot. It was basically just a bunch of reminiscing and Christmas miracles. It was just very cute and touching.

When it was off I went shopping with Matthew, Amanda, and Gary for a few hours. Finally finished. And it was good catching up with Gary.

Gary went to work so Matt and Amanda came to my house and we watched Buffy. Sad thing number two done. Only a million left to go before the end of the sixth season.Matt's gonna cry his eyes out lol

I read for a bit after that. And this morning. The book is really getting good but it seems much longer than it really is. I feel like I'm reading forever...but in a good way...and really get no where. I guess that's a good thing. I hate when books are over, I love dragging them out :)